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 No matter how hard Blockbuster and Walmart pushes me with their enthusiastic commercials of "every day" people, it is just not in my budget to own every damned DVD that comes out.
Since September, they have told me that Spiderman, Episdoe II and Fellowship of the Ring are each the DVD I "must own". Now they are saying that Minority Report is the "DVD of the year". DVD of the year? Holy crap. Does that mean it is another DVD I "must own"?
Don't get me wrong. I thought Minority Report was great, but if buy all of these DVDs, my wife is going to leave me.
And what the hell does "must own" mean? Is a Walmart employee going to visit my house, realize I don't own Minority Report, and begin to ridicule me for not being cool? And believe me, it would hurt since I've looked up to Walmart employees my entire life.
DVD: A lame-ass movie's last hope
When it comes down to it, a lot of movies that didn't do so hot in the theaters might have a second chance when they come to DVD. In order to make the not-so-hot movie look appealing, the makers will add "special features", deleted scenes, and interviews. But, when it comes down to it, these "special features" include a slide show, the deleted scenes were deleted for a reason, and the interviews with the sound maker's mom are about as interesting as A&E's History of the Slide Rule.
If they put enough of this crap on the DVD, they might have to spread it all out over two discs which will make anyone want to buy it. I mean, it has two discs. How could it not be good? Also, the theiving whores of Hollywood can charge about ten bucks more for two discs. But they deserve it, people. The extra disc and packaging cost them about 50 cents.
Walmart, Blockbuster, and other DVD pushers are using the same tactics as tabacco companies by making people feel "not cool" if they don't use their product. The DVD Player is the pipe and DVDs are the weed. Pack it in, smoke it up, and buy some more. The only difference is that DVDs, if used properly, won't kill you, but they will make you go broke.
Don't be fooled, kids. I don't own every DVD and I'm doing just fine.
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