How the Internet can improve marriage

Scott Manning
November 15, 2002 | Comments (12)

A recent article on The Register entitled Internet blamed for marriage break ups points out some statistics about the Internet's growing role in divorces. The article says, "Two-thirds of lawyers meeting at an annual conference in Chicago said the Internet has played a significant role in divorces they had handled during the past year." J Lindsey Short Jr, president of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers, was quoted as saying "While I don't think you can say that the Internet is causing more divorces, it does make it easier to engage in the sorts of behaviours that traditionally lead to divorce."

While I see how the Internet can be a part of the problem leading to divorce, I also see how the Internet has helped my marriage with Dawn. Or to put it in Lawyer mumbo-jumbo: While I don't think you can say the Internet can be the cause of a better marraige, it does make it easier to engage in the sorts of behaviours that traditionally lead to a better marriage.

Sending cute, little emails
Even before I was married, I was able to send Dawn more emails than I could notes. Since I'm typing at a blazing 80 words a minute, I can type up an email in about one-tenth of the time it would take me to write it by hand. She still has every email I've ever sent her.

Now that we're married, I can still send her an email from any computer with an Internet connection. That's powerful for a marriage. In the past, couples were forced to rely on snail mail or spend days at a time never sending any communication back and forth.

Granted, the sound of the voice and a hand-written letter is much more personal, but when a phone is not around and you need to send a note to the wife immediately, email is right there. Even a cute, little email just to say "I love you" is better than no email at all.

Buying crap is so much easier
Men are hunters; women are gatherers. I go to Amazon to find a particular item and am done in ten minutes. The wife goes to Amazon and could spend hours looking at various types of couch covers. The same thing happens in at the mall, but we are discussing the Internet. There are times I want to buy something for Dawn, but I haven't got the time to drive out to the store. I can get on the Internet and buy her virutually anything.

Like this Victorian style dress I got her for our anniversary last year:

Dawn in a pretty victorian dress. I bought this on the Internet instead of talking to some ho in a chatroom.

You think I would have been able to find that at the local Target? Hell, no. I would have spent days, possibly weeks making all kinds of calls and making various trips to stores to find it. In place of all this needless hunting, I could have spent more time with the wife. So the Internet not only helped me find a unique gift for my wife, but it also gave me extra time to spend with her while she's in the dress.

Let's not forget all the other random things I've been able to find like an old Time magazine with Joan of Arc on the cover and a Strawberry Shortcake lunchbox just like the one my wife had when she was a kid.

Researching memories and other epiphanies
Remember back in the 90's when the Internet was the Information Super Highway? Well, it still is; it's just not cool to call it that anymore. In minutes, I am able to score points with the wife by finding an MP3 of her favorite cartoon from when she was a kid. Also, whenever she brings up some random question about a historical fact, statistics, or who sang what song and when, I am almost always able to find the answer. This makes me "smart" in the wife's eyes when really its just my amazing researching skills coupled with the power of the Interent. Let's not forget how good my male ego feels after accomplishing such a task.

In all seriousness, I am able to answer all those random questions with a lot more ease than if I didn't have the Internet. The wife has her questions answered and sees that I care.

The root of the situation
I'm no marriage counselor, but couples that are referencing the Interent as the reason for their divorce aren't seeing the whole picture. Just because some guy found a new love through some chatroom, doesn't mean he would not have done something similar without the Interent. The Internet just makes it easier and quicker.

My advice is when you're on the Interent, think of your counterpart too. Send them emails. Send them instant messenges. Buy crap for them. Find things that interest them.

And while you're on the Internet, don't talk to the members of the opposite sex behind your counterpart's back (Translation: Use your head, dummy!).

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Comments (12):

1) Posted by: Pimp daddy Al
February 4, 2003 10:37 AM

I like talking to ho's in chatrooms though

2) Posted by: gaffar ahmed
March 14, 2003 8:56 AM

just I,m looking for good wife

3) Posted by: lisa ann
July 10, 2003 5:59 PM

I believe the internet does contribute to divorce. I know I reconnected with an old lover and almost divorced over it, as well as the countless little love notes back and forth. I also had an on line affair with a man in Missouri and then when he dumped me I prentended to be another woman until he caught on. All this crap would not be possible without the internet,

4) Posted by: Jessi
October 20, 2003 2:49 AM

You have some good points. I know I met my husband ON the internet, of course both of us being single & completly available at the time. We have now been married almost 6 yrs, and still going strong.
A big part of marriage is communication & the internet opens up just one more way to do that. Of course if you abuse that portal, it could become a trapdoor for problems.
Love is not selfish, it does not seek its own selfish longing,...love never fails. If thats how you feel about your mate in life, then you wont allow yourself to fall into the pitfalls that can be in the internet but will find the positives as Scott mentioned.
Its certainly a tool that must be used wisely.

5) Posted by: Bad Mouth
October 20, 2003 12:29 PM

Ah yes love birds all love birds trying to make sense of something that isn�t
the true love of my life feeling.
What�s your point Scott! That internet access makes life easier for such love
birds like you.
That instead of you showing how much you love her by running 3 miles to order
her a gift.

That instead of you showing how much you care by grabbing some papers and spraying your cologne and writing her a note to say how much you love her.

That instead of you showing how much she means to you by picking up a phone and dialing her number just to say Hi Sweetie.

That instead of you showing her how much she means to you by taking the time to
head down to the flower shop to buy her a bouquet.

Hmm sounds to me your one lazy love bird!
As for your comment such as the following:
�Doesn't mean he would not have done something similar without the Internet.�

Your right he would have!
As for You No Way!
B.M

6) Posted by: Scott
October 20, 2003 12:58 PM

BM,

I would definitely think that it is laziness if you quit doing those things. Along with writing notes, buying flowers, and calling, I can send her text messages, emails, and find stuff for her that I never could have found without the Internet.

Scott

7) Posted by: Bad Mouth
October 20, 2003 1:22 PM

Yor one smart cookie!
I would do the same if my wife was over my head
with a baseball bat.
B.M

8) Posted by: Bad Mouth
October 22, 2003 10:42 AM

Even though this topic is about how internet
can save a marriage it is also related on how
internet can make life easier.
And I would like to say this:
Yes internet can help you in ways but if you
the type who depends on the super information
highway 50% of the time then you can be sure
you will become an idiot.
This is why you got people flowing through the
digital lines that not only know how to spell their
names but pick up information from some idiot
who just realize how to erase their drives.
Since they are to lazy to depend on pure good
information from a good book, they see the
internet as a shortcut to becoming smart idiots.
This is why the internet are fool of idiots, who
not only see it as a way to find a lover but also
a way to find how they can pick up information
that not only screws them up, but also to spread
it out among more idiots that eventually the once
supper information highway that should be helpful
becomes an all out super idiot highway.

9) Posted by: solomon
September 1, 2004 5:16 PM

Hey,

Have any of you experienced the thrill in waiting for a long time to get a message from your better-half and finally she come before your eyes, and she says it with all her expresions.

Man, thats more exiting than to imagine how she sufferd to use those funny looking emoticons. you know her looks and feels can never be matched with all the emoticons we have in this whole universe. words with facial expresions are more soothing than just typed words.
-solomon

10) Posted by: Christine
September 7, 2004 5:30 PM

I am in a quandry and hoping some feedback from this site will help me. My boyfreind and I are about to move in together. He is an active member on a dating website. He says that he wants to remain there and only uses it to meet interesting people. He says that men and woman contact him. Says that he just chats online but doesnt take it further. I have told him that I dont feel good about this and that I would consider seriously to end our relationship. He is mad saying I am giving him an ultimatum. He thinks I shoud "trust" him!
I need some good ideas to help me argue my point. This is an emotional issue with me and I need help to remain practical! Thank you all.

11) Posted by: Ryan
February 6, 2005 1:12 PM

I agree in both sense but I would have to say it's more hurt than help. Christine I know what you are going through and I will share. I am 25 and have been happily marrie for 5 years this june. This week I got a wakeup call because I put a spy program on my computer. I got on after work tuesday night and it was all there, my worst thoughts. I was quick to get my wifes attention and yet she denied any of it until I showed her she had been caught. What she had done was started out the dating sites were there to show her older friend how to do it and then came another site but it wasn't like the other. I snooped I probably shouldn't have but I did and now I know. She has been writing guys over the net for months but says it's only friendship. Also she has been lying everytime something comes up. Wednesday I found her H&N account was being payed for but she denied that she had anthing to do with it but thursday when I found where she paid for it in paypal she admitted she lied. I talked to a couple of the guys on the messanger list and some were genuine friends but there were some that were real jerks and just wanted the panties to drop. I also had one tell me that she had been to see him one night instead of being at work but she denies it whole heartedly. Now everything has been good for the last couple days and seems everythings going back to normal but she still has a cell phone of her own and the pics and names I ask her to delete she made a new yahoo account and stuck them in. I don't know what to do but I am a very devoted husband and I am trying to work it out. i know in my heart we are both to blame and both are at fault but why is she lying I don't know. I am to blame cause we got a new house a couple months ago and when I come home from work I would jump on the net and build internet sites or post in stupid forums about stuff that wasn't important. The bottom line is that I had done this for so long that she went there to get support. I don't know if I can win her heart back or not but I pray I can. She said to me the other day she met one guy and went to see him once but never heard from him again and he wouldn't even speak to her while he was there he was so ashamed of her. Why do people do this I will never know. Hope this helps someone because I don't know who to talk to and maybe christine and I will both get a good reply out of it. Good Luck with the article and christine be careful.

Ryan

12) Posted by: seleem selmy
May 13, 2005 7:18 PM

Iam 25 years old,seeking a mariage from a woman that really matches me.I work in Egypt as a tour leader for tourists,in the near future I will work as a tourist guide.But this all seems not to be my real cup of tea in life as I adore litrature and have a talent for writting short stories and deep thought ful articles.It was nepotism and lack of free speech in Egypt that drived me away from being a writer.I have a B.A in english literature apart from a diploma in Egyptology.Moreover and as a writer ,I fancy other litertaures,espcially the Russian and the French.A madonna can not be my idol,but it is che Guevara.I fancy the beautiful,decent,well-informed woman,especially if she was a European,American or Australian,but I do not mind if beloved will be an Egyptian.To contact me it is through seleemselmy@yahoo.com