Why I'll never read Lord of the Rings

Scott Manning
November 13, 2002 | Comments (24)

neverreadlordoftherings (6k image) I have a long list of things I'd like to do before I die. It includes such great feats as climbing Mount Everest, visiting every country in the world at least once, and reading the original Lord of the Rings book series. Lord of the Rings is the "classic among classics" and "one of the greatest fictional book series of the 20th Century", but I'll never know if any of those statements are true. Why? Because, last night, I removed that task from the list!

I grew up listening to my dad tell me how great the book series is and how he reads the whole thing at least once a year. My wife read the whole series in about three weeks, last year.

I attempted to read them when I was about nine. Being quickly distracted with the latest episode of G.I. Joe and not understanding most of what I was reading, I put down The Hobbit after the first ten pages.

I have yet to try to read it again and I never will.

The movies screwed it all up
When The Fellowship of the Ring hit theaters, I was blown away. The epic story it told along with the great cast of characters and special effects made it one helluva a movie. I ended up seeing it four times in the theaters.

In the Spring, the theaters started showing a five minute trailer for The Two Towers (the next installment) at the end of the Fellowship of the Ring. So the wife and I headed back to the theaters to see the movie once again.

It is three hours long. For those of you keeping track, I'm up to 15 hours and five minutes watching this movie so far.

Then the widescreen DVD came out this past fall. It had a ten-minute "behind-the-scenes preview" of The Two Towers. I watched the DVD twice and the preview once.

Now the Platinum Series Extended Edition DVD with bookends is here. And guess what. It has over 30 minutes of extra footage. Although we opted not to buy the bookends, we still got the four discs.

Last night, the wife and I attempted to watch the extra footage. Just 30 minutes right? Ha! The 30 minutes is not in a row. In some cases, there are only twenty extra seconds to an entire scene. So we're left watching an 11-minute sequence just to catch twenty extra seconds. This is the price of loving a movie to death.

All in all, we spent about an hour and a half watching the movie again.

It all adds up
So we're looking at 15 hours and five minutes in the theaters, plus six hours and ten minutes on DVD, plus an hour and a half of extra footage hunting. That gives us a total 22 hours and 45 minutes spent watching Fellowship of the Ring. That's about the time it takes to read through a book. And this is just the first movie! I didn't include watching all the previews on TV and the making-of TV shows. When the Two Towers comes out next month, I'll start the whole cycle again to prove, without a doubt, that I am a Fellowship of the Ring movie junky.

So, to those of you who have already read the book series, good for you! I will not be joining your ranks. I came to the realization last night that I will never have time to read the book, because I'm too busy watching the damn movies.

Sorry, Tolkien.

Clarification:
For all of you major Lord of the Rings nerds, I understand that The Hobbit is not part of the Lord of the Rings triolgy. No need to fill up my inbox the fact.

Related links:
WWF is fake? So is Lord of the Rings.
Movie Reviews

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Comments (24):

1) Posted by: kevin
November 13, 2002 1:35 PM

I hear ya .. i've wanted to go back and read them all (silmarillion included) but just never have the time! Here was my solution .. there is a 12 disc BBC audio prouction of the story (availble at amazon: http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0553456539/ref%3Dnosim/lordoftheri0a-20/104-8434826-3423164) and I listened to it on my commute and LOVED it. By far one of the best audio book experiences I've had. And its full of the detail that even a LOTR snob would appreciate. :)

also, you should play the new ps2 game cause it's like being dropped right into the movie!! (more time to spend)

have fun,
kevin

2) Posted by: Phil B
November 13, 2002 10:30 PM

OK now, you guys are scaring me *L*. Can we say obsessed. Seriously Scott, if you did read even Fellowship of the Ring; I think you would enjoy it on a whole different level. Though you may then be tempted like many were to grouse about the movie being different than the book. A chance worth taking though :).

3) Posted by: Wolf
December 19, 2002 1:30 PM

I would just like to say that if you are a true fan of the movie read the books! I had never read any of the books much like yourself always wanted to just never had the time, and I too tried to read the Hobbit and only made to chapter 2. However, after watching the movie I have read the Lord Of The Rings trilogy, as well as the Hobbit, and it is such a good book I read it in 2 weeks. As for watching the movie multiple times, I watched the LOTR in theaters twice, and have watched it 6 times at home and one more when I bored the extended addition from a friend of mine. I also watch every additional piece of footage I could on the original release DVD and extended addition DVD for a total of 35 - 36 hours of LOTR movie watching. To top it off I also sat in line for 2 hours last night to watch The two towers, and plan to watch it again this weekend. After all this I still have the urge to re-read the books. They are worth reading!

4) Posted by: Anna
January 20, 2003 4:13 PM

Lort is the best, and if you dont like it, it ushually means you are un-inteligant and slow. You obvesly have a to small of a brain to think of anything besides your own little pathetic life. You probably couldnt even read the books, you proabably couldnt read a book.
Ps. Are those movies Playboy? Wouldnt surprise me..thats more of your "level"

5) Posted by: Scott Manning
January 20, 2003 4:15 PM

Whatever you say, Anna.

By the way, it's Lotr, not Lort.

6) Posted by: Launa
January 27, 2003 8:49 PM

You guys are wacked. The Lord Of the Rings movie can only ruin the books if you let it. It is more important to read and use your imagination to see the story, than to sit on your butt and watch the movie!

7) Posted by: Michael
January 31, 2003 1:09 PM

You won't be watching the movies for the rest of your life. You'll read the books. Comon- what's the big deal, haven't you ever read a large book before? You talk about reading the books like it's some massive feat, something you have to plan the rest of your life around or something. Or perhaps you consider it a chore. I saw the first two movies an uncountable amount of times as well before I read the books. But believe me- it's worth the effort! The experience of reading the books can't really be compared to watching the movies... I am a massive fan of the films, but the books really did blow them out of the water for me. I found that I only truly became immersed in the tale with the books. While reading the books I encountered an entirely new level of obsession- for me many times more powerful than with that of the movies (if that sounds believable). I finished them a couple of weeks ago and my nights are still filled with dreams/nightmares based in Middle-Earth!

8) Posted by: Amy
February 14, 2003 7:09 PM

Just beacase you watch the movies doesn't mean that you shouln't read the books. Oh, and by the way Scott, The Hobbit is a prelude, not one of the series, so you don't have to read it to Know what is going on in the triligy. DUH. The movies are way different then the books anyway. choosing not to read the Lord of the Rings is the stupidest decfision you have ever made. Please read the books, I'm certain it will change your life.

9) Posted by: Leila
February 18, 2003 4:57 PM

Yeah Scott I know how you feel, my mom told me to read the Hobbit and after the first 10 pages I put it down for a long time, and she said "If you don't like these books I dont know how you could be my daughter." so i picked up the book again just to please her and after the first chapter I was hooked. I'm a LOTR freak! I saw the FotR 6 times in theaters and so far TTT 5 times YEEHAW!! just try it and you dont have to read the Hobbit its just the prolouge(sp)(but read it anyway =-))

10) Posted by: somebody
March 9, 2003 3:12 PM

Although I don't understand why the heck you seem to think you'll never be able to read the book simply because you've seen the movies, I can see where you're coming from.

But that's why I read the books first.

11) Posted by: sid
June 28, 2003 12:13 AM

lets see, lotr is one of the best books i have ever read. there are only three movies, and there not going to last the rest of your life. so, after seeing the last movie, and all the extra crap you talked about, read the books!!! there is sooo much your missing that are in the books that are not in the movies. ya, you know whats going to happen, but not in the way the tolkin writes it!! READ DAMN BOOKS!!!

12) Posted by: Mike
June 28, 2003 11:47 PM

LOTR bores the arse off me personally .Second film was ok though. Fell asleep during the first one, woke up drooling like homer simpson.I swear the film was at the same point when I woke up as when I went to sleep.

'Lort is the best, and if you dont like it, it ushually means you are un-inteligant and slow'

That statement was just so damn ignorant and since you can't spell Anna , you should not throw stones at anyone. That is the worst spelling of 'un-intelligent' I have ever seen.
Some of you people need to get a life( nerdsville retirement home beckons). Movies are fun ,you can kiss you partner there, eat popcorn etc. Books are for propping up un even work surfaces.

13) Posted by: me
September 2, 2003 5:02 PM

You'll read it eventually. You may think now that you won't but you will...Yep. I've seen it before. They all do. :))))

14) Posted by: Matthew
September 7, 2003 9:46 PM

I'm sorry, but these are some of classic literatures greatest pieces. "I'm spending too much time watching the movies", is by far the most pathetic excuse for not reading the books. You don't learn a whole lot from watching movies. Reading can teach people alot of things. If you even remotely enjoy reading, and you loved these movies so much, then there is no reason you wouldn't enjoy the books. Your intelligence will not be elevated by sitting in front of a screen for 22 hours. Also there is a great deal missing from the movies, due to time constraints. I'm not saying the movies aren't good, because I enjoy them. Yet I enjoy the books far more, and you might take into account, that I am sixteen years old.

Matthew

15) Posted by: Sauvageu
September 24, 2003 5:04 PM

I never have seen such a wonderful movie in my life.
I especially loved all the actors that worked so hard to produce this movie. I only wish we had more movies like these I really loved Elijah Wood the part he played was perfect for him
I would imagine it was a real tough job being the character
Frodo,one can only imagine just by watching him that if this really could happen to you or I how much power and perserverance it would take to deal with the power of that ring.

16) Posted by: Mr. CBK
September 26, 2003 9:55 AM

Well, as one of those, who have read the books a dozen times, (And of course watching the movie several times.)
Yes the movie is fabulous.... but Peter Jackson would never ever could do the whole book... The book is simply too comples a work.

And I say - You don't know what you're missin'.
So put it back on your list.

Take care.

17) Posted by: calbert
October 27, 2003 3:40 PM

LOTR is awesome. the movies were great but it left out all of the richness that Tolkien put into them. if you want the full LOTR experience then i would suggest you read the books.

18) Posted by: realist
December 29, 2003 4:17 PM

Hey!
Have you read the books yet. C'mon...you know ya want to. I actually read the books (again after 20+ years) before I saw Return of the King. It took me about 3 weeks and I read about 25-30 pages an hour. It was not easy, but not chore-like. It was a task nontheless. If you do, you'll be entertained, and it will add quality to your "things to do list" and your enjoyment of the movie(s) ESPECIALLY THE EXTENDED VERSIONS YOU KNOW YOU'LL GET! Put it back on your list bud.

19) Posted by: LotR_fan
December 30, 2003 6:50 PM

Too bad. By your own admission, reading the book will take you about 22 hours. Also by your own admission, you want to go to every country in the world. While you're doing that, you will likely spend much time on a plane or boat. That time offers a lot of free time... You're not allowed to use a portable TV while on a plane, so unless you plan to travel entirely by boat and cars, you will likely bring a book or two with you. Why not simply bring a Lord of the Rings book or two? If you're such a fan of the movies that you feel compelled to spend 22 hours to prove that you are a LotR movie junkie, why not read them to gain the valuable insight that you can only gain by reading the books? Also, you said that this book series has been called a "classic among classics". If so, reading this will provide you with some culture. Thank you for reading this, and I sincerely hope that you change your mind.

20) Posted by: Lin
February 1, 2004 10:20 AM

Not to be rude, but this was an incredible waste of time and energy. Idiot.

-Lin

PS- It takes me about 3 days ((And I spend 9 hours a day in school)) to read ALL the books. I've read the Hobbit, and the Sil. So, you are LAZY, idiotic movie fan, who probably doesn't even UNDERSTAND the movie and what the books/movies stand for. Once again, not trying to be mean, but I must say- Get a life.

21) Posted by: heather kevill
June 1, 2004 5:33 PM

I have never been the same since watching LOTR. I have fallen over my soul after watching it, and reading the books, I am still on the 3rd by the way. Never in my whole life, have I, or would I in the future, get hooked on such a film as LOTR. I would give up my life for that masterpiece of fine art. My sadest memory of the film was when frodo got all the way back to the shire, and he just couldn't be the same person he was before. Since Lord of the rings, I am alive in todays world, but living in THAT world. I believe LOTR has affected so many of us, it is clearly not just a title, a film, a book...it is another world, a world that I would imagine, anyone of us here would love to belong to. I am choking back tears now, I am dumb struck. I have related to it, I have seen the light beyond the trees now. It will always be in my heart, always. Thankyou.

22) Posted by: Freak
November 21, 2004 8:34 AM

What a stupid waste of time. LOTR is the best ever. Firstly you are too damn lazy to gat up and read the books. Secondly, you claim that the flims are to blame for your ignorance. And thirdly, you're not even making a point!

23) Posted by: Abby
November 21, 2004 8:47 AM

Geez, you would have to be the biggest idiot in the world. And I mean the biggest. What's wrong with the books, too many big words for you?

The films are a shortened version of the books, so if you liked the films, then why the hell can't you motivate your lazy arse and read them before making irrelevant and idiotic comments?

How old are you, two?

And if I'm not mistaken, the 30 minutes of extra footage in the extended edition of the movies was, from the beginning, clearly explained that it was spread out through the entire film. What are they supposed to do, draw the ending out for an extra half hour? Or stick Tom Bombadil in there somewhere?

If you think you're actually making a point here then you're wrong. So my pity goes out to you, you simple fool.

24) Posted by: Carlin Kowalchuk
June 16, 2006 2:26 AM

LOTR...wow.From the Fellowship of the Ring to the Return of the King the movies and the books were awesome.Blew my mind ran out and purchased the limited edition set. What if we could all live in a world of hobbits and small hill huts.I believe LOTR broadens everyones imagination to the max. The film is outstanding. What do you like ...Harry Potter?