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Dawn (the wife) and I were at the 10:30 PM showing The Matrix Reloaded on Tuesday of last week. Typically, when a big movie comes out, you can find us at the late-night opening. It’s become a tradition. With The Matrix being one of the better movies we’ve seen, we had tickets several weeks in advance.
We arrived about 45 minutes early to get a "good seat". "Good seat" is a relative term when you’re in a theater that doesn’t have stadium seating. When the theater is packed, you have two types of seats: really crappy and not-so crappy. Luckily, we were able to find some seats the middle (not-so crappy).
We sat down, chatted about life, and tried to kill time until the movie started. During this time, a man and lady sat in front of us. The man was about 6 foot 2 with a distinctly large mullet. The woman was about 5 foot 2 and very round. Since the big guy sat in front of Dawn and the little woman sat in front of me, the wife and I switched seats. This seemed to be no big deal to me since the guy was slouching down anyway.
As we were waiting for the movie to start, the couple became very loud. Of course, other people were talking, but none of them as loud as these two. They would make really loud comments in an apparent attempt to make others laugh. The worst part is that their humor was similar to that of two rejects in high school that no one finds funny.
For some reason, the movie started late. The crowd was visibly upset, but not as upset as The Mullet and his lady friend. The Mullet began making "jokes" like, "Who’s running the projector? Dumb and Dumber!?!" and the lady friend would reply with, "No! More like Dumber and Dumberer!!!"
I realized that the situation could only get worse when The Mullet stopped slouching in his seat. He sat up straight to reveal the true size of his hair. It was apparent to me that if didn’t lean over to the left or right for the entirety of the movie, I would only be getting half the view of the screen.
I looked over at the guy to my left and said, "I may need to lean over towards you so I can watch this movie. You’re not going to be uncomfortable, are you?" The guy understood The Mullet situation and said no.
Finally, the movie started.
The Mullet Reloaded
I’ve seen some T.V. skits where the guy can’t watch a movie become someone sat in front of him with a ten-gallon cowboy hat. This was that skit except, the cowboy brought a loud woman who made sounds throughout the entire movie. At every line or fight scene in the movie, she would grunt, clap, or yell, "Yes!!!" Other times, she would simply repeat the line said as loud as she could as though it were some revelation given by a preacher.
I understand getting into a movie, but this went on the entire time.
The Mullet also had a comb. I know this, because he combed his hair about 50 times during the movie.
The height of the experience came when he put his hands on his head to expose his armpits and thus blocking any view I had of the movie. I sat in shock for a second as to how one Mullet could be so oblivious to the rest of the world. I finally snapped. "Can you put your arms down, sir," I said in a stern voice.
"Oh, I’m sorry," The Mullet said embarrassed as he quickly put his arms down.
The next day
Of course, everyone asked me the very next day what I thought of the movie. If it had been one of those no-brainer movies like The Scorpion King, I probably would have been fine. But for those of you who have seen The Matrix Reloaded, you know that it requires your full attention at times. So my initial opinion of the movie was simply: Mullets suck.
Luckily, I saw the movie again during the weekend without The Mullet or his lady friend.
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