Scott Manning December 28, 2004 | Comments (2)

Like most women, my mom is enchanted by the Amish. Their non-electrical style of living gives them the ability to make some beautiful quilts that she can't take her eyes off of.

I find it one of the most boring things that the United States has to offer tourists.

When my mom got a newsletter that talked about how amazing Amish Country is, she sent a little blurb from it:

It couldn't have felt more surreal. For the past hour, my colleague and I had been driving through primitive Pennsylvania Amish country-maneuvering down dirt lanes and weaving around farm animals as we glimpsed farmers working in the fields and horse-drawn buggies ambling by. Our guide, meanwhile, a middle-aged man dressed in "plain clothes"-a distinct style of dress meant to convey humility and modesty-shared with us the history of the place, allowing us a window into a culture few of us truly understand. As he talked, my eyes drifted across a landscape that felt distinctly different from my own, and I wondered what I was missing in my modern, suburban lifestyle.

I quickly rewrote the paragraph from a male's perspective and sent it back to her:

It couldn't have felt more boring. For the past hour, my wife and I had been stuck in tourist traffic throughout primitive Pennsylvania Amish country-maneuvering down horse-crap filled lanes and nearly hitting farm animals as we glimpsed farmers giving us nasty looks. Our guide, meanwhile, a wifeless man dressed in "plain clothes"-a distinct style of dress that explains why he is still single-shared with us the history of the place, which could have been summed up with "These people haven't done anything for hundreds of years". As he talked, my eyes rolled back into my head, and I wondered if Chris Bradshaw was still the WWE Champion.

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