Breaking into my house without breaking a window

Scott Manning
July 15, 2006 | Comments (8)

About a year ago, I left my keys at home before carpooling my way to work. At the time, my wife was taking night classes at a community college and would not be home to greet me with an unlocked door.

I called her up to make sure we had some sort of system that ensured I wouldn't be locked out until she got home late at night. The system failed me.

This scenario was not new to me. The same thing happened about a year before and I ended up breaking a basement window to get into my house. I did not want to replace another window.

I called her up to make sure we had some sort of system that ensured I wouldn't be locked out until she got home late at night. The system failed me.

This scenario was not new to me. The same thing happened about a year before and I ended up breaking a basement window to get into my house. I did not want to replace another window.

I stood there contemplating my options for a few minutes. We had a bay window open for the cats to breath fresh air and hiss at the squirrels, but my full grown body was not going to fit through 10-inch wide opening.

My cats meowed and purred at me.

I looked around the neighborhood and saw a six-year-old girl riding her bike. I thought to myself, "She could easily fit in that window."

I walked up to her and said, "How you doing?"

"Fine."

Realizing how awkward it might look to the neighbors to see me pushing a little girl up into my window, I asked her, "Where are you parents at?"

"My mom is in the house."

"You think it would be okay if I talk to her?"

"Okay," she replied and rode her bike across the street.

I stood at the door while she got her mom. Mom had a cigarette in her hand and was wondering what the hell I wanted.

"Can I borrow your daughter?"

"Excuse me?"

"I'm in a bit of a jam. I locked myself out of my house. I've got a bay window open, but the only person around who could fit through it would be your daughter. Could I push her up there and get her to unlock the door?"

"Oh wow, I don't know..."

"Would I get to pet your cats?" The little girl interrupted looking as adorable as possible.

"Of course," I said smiling at her.

"Oh mom, let's help him. Please!"

Now mom was stuck. "Let me put my shoes on."

We walked over to my house. I knocked out the window screen. The bay window was about 4-feet off the ground, so we pushed the little girl up in there. As we're pushing her, she's trying to pet the cats. Mom never let go of her cigarette.

While inside the house, we could hear the girl yell through the door, "How do I open it?"

After explaining it a few times and a few failed attempts, the door opened up. The girl said, "I love your cats!"

I thanked the mom and was back in the house in time to watch Sanford and Son.

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Comments (8):

1) Posted by: PhilB
July 16, 2006 11:08 AM

A good thing one of the cats didn't take the intruder out. Good thinking about asking the girls mom or your wife might be visiting you downtown.

2) Posted by: Bob
July 25, 2006 3:14 AM

Oh, my GAWWWWWWD, Scott! For a moment there I was starting to wonder, what the? And thank the heavens you haven't any attack cats, you would've been in a fine ol' mess. Still, your attempt at comedy is quite credible, you might have a future there.
Regards Bob.

3) Posted by: Bob
July 25, 2006 5:59 AM

Since reading of your misadventures a few hours ago I haven't been able to shake the image of your cats hissing at squirrels out of my mind. What type of cats do you have over there Scott? Our cats are tough here in Australia. They may hiss and spit, but thay also attack, anything that moves. Yeah we breed real tough attack cats here, coz how else are we to survive the native animals.
Take the wombat(marsupial), they're real tough ornory buggers and you don't mess with them if you're smart. Wombats live underground, well they build bloody great tunnels that could swallow a bus. These cheeky buggers weigh about two tons, have brown fur the consistency of steel wool and bloody hell don't they stink!!!!!!
If you're unfortunate to live near a Wombat colony, you can wake up in the morning to find these digging machines have turned your yard into a lunar landscape. Worse still it may take you an hour or two to dig your car from beneath the dirt pile. Then again it could be worse, they could've crapped all over the place and you'll need a backhoe to shift it all, but believe me, you'll never get rid of the smell. It lingers until it drives you mad.
To solve the Wombat problem scientists are working on mutating various breeds of cats. Hopefully this will work. If not, then KFC will have a new meat supply.
Anyway, there you have it about our Wombats. One day I might tell you about our Sulphar Crested Wobbigongs.
Regards Bob.

4) Posted by: icey
August 3, 2006 10:06 AM

@Bob: That's must be one of the most hilarious out-of-context replies I've ever read.

@Scott: Nice story, brought a smile to my face. Smart thinking by involving the kid's mom.

5) Posted by: Bob
August 6, 2006 5:15 AM

Yair, Scott good thing you included the mum..........Now did I ever tell you the one about the Sulphur Crested Wobbigongs.........
Regards Bob.

6) Posted by: Lesley
August 11, 2006 4:04 AM

Well, now who hasn't had that sickened feeling in the pit of their stomachs when the realization hits them that DAMMIT! Gone and locked myself out of the #*!$ house AGAIN!! Now, understand that I live in a big house with my husband, 2 kids, my Dad and my Mother-in Law (who I shall refer to as 'Rosmary'). Too many opportunities for someone to get locked out. So I got the bright idea of obtaining a ceramic keykeeper, which looks like your basic garden ornament (mine is a dog)to keep near the back door. Underneath the keykeeper is a "secret compartment" where the housekey is kept. Brilliant! I bought this 2 years ago and haven't locked myself out yet! So the other day Rosmary is out walking Lindy, her puckered-up 13 year old Chihuahua (who barks constantly at everything, craps on my floor and who I'm plotting to euthanize at the earliest possible opportunity). But I digress! Well, Rosmary sees that the keykeeper has been knocked over and decides to walk through the lavarock and set it upright. All well and good except that Rosmary is 75 years old and can't walk straight on flat surfaces, let alone rocky ones!! As one may expect, she took a header and gashed her head open (shame she didn't fall on the dog!). I'm thinking now of getting rid of the keykeeper and just checking to make sure I always have my keys with me when I leave the house. It's too dangerous for the old folks to get to if they needed to. Maybe I'll send it to you, you sound like you might need it more than I do.

7) Posted by: joe
August 16, 2006 7:23 AM

Countless homes have been not only been "broken-into" but completely stolen simply by a bank takeing or Repossing via Mortgage. No broken glass! Too easy!

8) Posted by: Dave
October 11, 2006 5:10 AM

keykeepers are a bad idea anywhere you have a key lying around your property unsecured is a risk. best off creating a routine of always picking up your keys and putting them down in the same place that way your mind will be trained into you always having your keys and checking before you leave the house, trust me if you do it often enough it'll become automatic and you wont even know your doing it.